I never wanted to be a mother.
As a child I always played the ‘mother’ when playing house. I loved taking care of my ‘dolls’. Feeding them, changing them, tucking them in at night, kissing them goodnight. My mom was a housewife and I figured that is what women do- become mothers.
As I got older and met my husband to be, becoming a mother was something far in the future. My friends started having babies. My parents wondered why I wasn’t. I was pumelled with questions from friends, and family about why I am not a mother.
I felt a sense of relief when it did not happen. I could blame it on fate or biology and I was at peace with it. I could live my life guilt free.
And then it happened. One fateful day I peeed on a stick and my life changed forever.
Life as a mother is hard. That’s an understatement. It breaks you. I thought I knew who I was. That person is gone. I am stripped down to nothing.
All I know is I am a mother.