The life of a Mother

No one really understands what it is like to be a mother until you become one. You have this little person who depends on you for everything.

To say that it is overwhelming is an understatement.

You are responsible for moulding this little person that was made from your blood and flesh. This will be the biggest responsibility I will ever have.

The need to keep this little person safe from the disappointments of life is uncontrollable. Every single decision I make or don’t make effects her. The consequences of my actions don’t just effect me anymore.

Before becoming a mother I read about the unconditional love I would feel for my child. And yes I feel it. But what I did not read or did not pay attention to was the overwhelming sense of responsibility. Disappointments in my life that I accepted as just as a part of my life are no longer acceptable. My happiness or unhappiness effects her.

I want to be the role model that my daughter deserves.I don’t just want to be the best mom for her. I want to be the best of me.

 

The Other Mother

I envy the moms out there who love been a mother. I envy the moms who are comfortable with their new identity as a ‘mother’.

You relish in the joy of caring and nurturing your child. You feel your biggest accomplishment is this little baby that calls you mom. And it is.

You can’t wait to have more kids. You are consumed by been a mother. You are selfless.

You don’t understand me. The mother that struggles with this new identity. How can I not love been a mother?  Why can’t I let it define me? Do I not love my baby?

I want to be you.  I wish I was you. I love my baby. Letting motherhood define me has nothing to do with the love I feel for my child.

But I am selfish.

I want more.