The cup of coffee that saved my life

When I first had Zara, It was very easy to stay home in my pajamas. It took a lot of effort to leave the house only to listen to a crying baby and rush home to meet the babies needs. As most first time moms, I had a lot of anxiety ABOUT EVERYTHING. I just put it aside as a first time mom jitters.

The one thing I looked forward to every day was going for coffee at a café by my house. I am a big coffee lover and when I found this place I was excited.  Every morning I woke up and looked forward to this coffee. The goal was to get Zara and me ready to go for this outing. It was the highlight of my day everyday! Most days this was my only adult interaction (until my husband came home in the evening).

I did not realize it back then but this one cup of coffee saved me. As a first time mom, I was overwhelmed with responsibility of taking care of a newborn. I was full of self-doubt. I was fumbling through this new responsibility. I felt I had lost my previous self ( I still feel that way!) But the one thing I could depend on was this one cup of coffee.

The day the café closed down was a sad day. This café and cup of coffee was an important part of my life from the day Zara was born to the day she went to daycare fulltime. It was the end of an era. Zara was now officially a toddler and I had survived the first year.

Why am I so emotional? After all there are lot of other cafes- But this coffee shop was my hideaway. Every morning regardless of the sleepless night I had, I was going to get my cup of coffee and for atleast a little while everything was going to be ok. My life was scheduled around this cup of coffee. It was the only adult thing I did. It forced me to get up and put on make up! When my world was turning upside down this was the only consistency left in my life.

This cup of coffee saved my life. I try to think about what it could have been like without. As a new mother I was on the verge of depression. My anxiety was at an all time high! I have a problem asking for help. I was in denial of what I was going through. I never talked to a doctor about it and never officially got help. I regret not asking for help. I spent most of my first year as a mother in high anxiety. It hindered my ability to enjoy my baby.

I am thankful that this one cup of coffee allowed me to get in touch my old self and pull myself out of  deep depression.

If you are a new mom or someone who has been a mom for a while- feel free to comment below. What helped you through that first year?

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