A letter to a Mom at the library 

Dear mom at the library 

 I have tried to talk to you a couple of times, but you do not seem interested. Maybe it’s because my baby girl is older than your baby. Today, Zara came to you a couple of times and you gave her the cold shoulder. I did not say anything because, I want my daughter to learn that not everyone will welcome her attention. 

I want to tell you that it’s OK. The couple of times we spoke you talked about finding a nanny,and going back to work part time. I know you are stressed out about it as I was. Your baby girl is adorable. She has to wear glasses at a young age, but she rocks them! I can see though that you worry about it. One time I heard another child ask you why your baby wears glasses and you seemed upset. I want you to know that you are doing great. It is not your fault. 

I wonder, if to you I look like I have it all figured out. Zara is a very happy, healthy and independent baby. And maybe you see that and wonder how I got lucky. 

I want to tell you that I was you at one point. Zara was always small for her age. I always heard comments about how she looked like she was 5 or 6 months old when she was 9 or 10 months. I worried if she would have been taller/bigger if I made more breast milk. I worried about how little she ate. I worried that people judged me when they saw how small she was. I felt it was my fault that I did not make enough milk and she did not eat enough food. Most of my maternity leave I worried. I still worry. I am just better at hiding it. 

I want to tell you that I do not have it all together. I wish I could help you through this, but I also know that no one could help me until I was ready to accept the help. So hang in there momma. It will get better. You will still worry but it will be different. Just don’t forget to enjoy the time you have with your baby. Because no matter what I do now, I can’t go back and change the past. 

I regret spending so much time worrying about what Zara was eating or not eating rather than just being with her. So stop worrying, and just BE with your little one. Because one day, like me you will look back and regret it. One day you will look back and say, I am a great mother, and I wish could tell the old me that. You are a great mother. Don’t forget that. 

Sincerely,

Mom who understands what you are going through. 

Mom vs Wife

Before you had a baby it was just you and your partner. Your world revolved around each other. You planned your life together. You loved him with your whole heart.

And then you find out you are having a baby. A baby is the proof of your love. Your bond grows stronger.

Baby is born. After the initial shock, happiness and adrenaline wears off real life hits you like a brick wall.

All of a sudden this partner you loved with so much fierceness is no longer the center of your world. You start to fight. A lot. You throw things. You threaten each other. You fight about everything and anything- money, laundry, diapers, dishes, garbage…You fight about the baby-sleep train or not to sleep train, feeding formula or not to feed formula. You feel your partner in life is not on your side anymore. How did this happen? You had a strong relationship before you had a baby. Where did it go wrong?

The truth is you have both changed. You are not you. He is not him. You are a mother. He is a father. These are both roles you never had before. You are both different. You are both muddling through your new roles.

Your world does not revolve around him. It revolves around the baby. You make plans for the baby. You love this baby with your whole heart.

You forget that you are not just momma and dada. You are Husna and RJ. You loved each other the moment you met. You vowed to love each other forever. You supported each other through job changes, house moves, family deaths and sickness. You built a life together. A life of love and support. You were/are happy.

It is hard to juggle being a mom and a wife. You have to remind yourself every day who you were before you were momma and dada. You are still Husna and RJ. Your love made Zara. You are now Husna, RJ and Zara.

This post is dedicated to my husband and partner in crime. Thank you for standing by me.

How do you juggle being a mom and a wife? Thank you for reading. If you like what you see please hit the like button below. Feel free to share and follow my blog.