Dear Zara
You are 1.5 years old now. You are growing so fast. You can run and dance ( sometimes both at the same time). You talk a lot! But most times it sounds like baby talk. You have mastered a couple of words: Mama, Dada, Papa (Puggles the dog), No Way, Ball, Book, Bed, Bath, Star, Bunny, Dino… the list goes on and on. You love to give hugs and kisses to Puggles and all your stuffed toys. Your favorite is Pinky, a little pink lady bug lovey that you sleep with.
Recently you fell ill. It was the most sick I have ever seen you. I was stuck at work and you were with Dada, but when I got to the hospital, you reached for me and cried, ‘Mama’. It broke my heart to be not with you. And I am sorry for that bubba.
Mama is struggling bubba. I miss you when I am at work. When I am at home I am too busy organizing our life: bills, budget, groceries, meals, laundry! On my day off I struggle with deciding if I should spend the day with you or doing house chores or get that haircut I have been meaning to get for the past 3 months. I am overwhelmed. I have my shortcomings. I do not let anyone help me. I do not ask for help. Your dad is my rock and I do not let him help me.
I know that I have to do something about this. I don’t want to let the stress overwhelm my life to the point,where I miss all the important milestones of your life. Momma has to take care of herself so she can be there for you.
You are the light of my life Zara. And I do not remember what life was like before you. I want you to know that you bring me joy. You are not the cause of my stress. You are the reason I wake up every morning and take on the day. You are my source of strength.
Love you forever Zara bear!
Momma
The Accidental Mommy 