The Woman behind the Camera

Since starting this blog I am always on the hunt for pictures to add to my posts. Recently while going through the pictures on my phone, I realized that there are hardly any pictures of me since I had Zara. It’s almost like the day Zara was born, I disappeared. Zara became the centre of my universe and I forgot that I am still here.

Before Zara was born, I loved dressing up and getting pictures taken. On vacations, I was one of those people that documented every outfit I wore. Pictures capture your memories and feelings in that moment. Every time I would come across a picture of me, I was reminded of what I was doing that day or how I felt.

So what happened after Zara was born? I asked myself that question. The first thing that popped into my mind is that Zara’s needs took over my own needs. And I felt it was important to capture Zara’s smiles, outfits, and just overall cuteness rather than mine. And I guess I did not want to remember how tired and exhausted I was. I did not want to remember how bad I felt about my milk boobs and wider than ever hips! I became the woman behind the camera. The woman in the back working tirelessly to keep Zara happy, and  her husband happy. 

You can’t do that for too long. It catches up with you. I keep hearing the term ‘self care’. And that’s what I was missing. Now I make a conscious effort to ensure I put time aside for self care. This blog is part of my ‘self care’ routine. I am also trying to get back in front of the camera. But it is not easy to do, once you have been behind the camera for so long. 

I stopped breastfeeding when Zara was 14 months and as you all know went back to work shortly after. Since then I have slowly noticed that I am rediscovering who I am. I love been Zara’s mommy but if I am going to honest, that isn’t enough. I am finding though that I am not the same as I was before Zara. I am learning to let go of that person. But it’s like losing your best friend. It takes a lot of effort to admit to yourself that this new person is here to stay. I have learnt that part of this crazy motherhood journey is acceptance and to I have to get out of my comfort zone and get back in front of the camera. 

The truth is it’s not just my body that changed after Zara, so did my soul. And THAT is worthy of being captured in a picture. 

Comment, shares and likes are always welcome! 

And don’t forget today is the last day to vote for me to win the Top Vancouver Mom blogger for 2017! 

Vote here!

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