Mom vs Wife

Before you had a baby it was just you and your partner. Your world revolved around each other. You planned your life together. You loved him with your whole heart.

And then you find out you are having a baby. A baby is the proof of your love. Your bond grows stronger.

Baby is born. After the initial shock, happiness and adrenaline wears off real life hits you like a brick wall.

All of a sudden this partner you loved with so much fierceness is no longer the center of your world. You start to fight. A lot. You throw things. You threaten each other. You fight about everything and anything- money, laundry, diapers, dishes, garbage…You fight about the baby-sleep train or not to sleep train, feeding formula or not to feed formula. You feel your partner in life is not on your side anymore. How did this happen? You had a strong relationship before you had a baby. Where did it go wrong?

The truth is you have both changed. You are not you. He is not him. You are a mother. He is a father. These are both roles you never had before. You are both different. You are both muddling through your new roles.

Your world does not revolve around him. It revolves around the baby. You make plans for the baby. You love this baby with your whole heart.

You forget that you are not just momma and dada. You are Husna and RJ. You loved each other the moment you met. You vowed to love each other forever. You supported each other through job changes, house moves, family deaths and sickness. You built a life together. A life of love and support. You were/are happy.

It is hard to juggle being a mom and a wife. You have to remind yourself every day who you were before you were momma and dada. You are still Husna and RJ. Your love made Zara. You are now Husna, RJ and Zara.

This post is dedicated to my husband and partner in crime. Thank you for standing by me.

How do you juggle being a mom and a wife? Thank you for reading. If you like what you see please hit the like button below. Feel free to share and follow my blog.

 

 

 

 

4 budgeting tools to handle Christmas when you are an unemployed mom

I love Christmas! As a child we did not celebrate Christmas. We lived in Saudi Arabia which is a Muslim country and Christmas was not widely celebrated. When I moved to Canada and was exposed to Christmas, I loved everything about it! The tree, the lights, the snow (sometimes), the music and of course the presents!

Now that I have been unemployed, Christmas is a pretty stressful time. Yes, Christmas is not all about presents but I want Zara to have memories of Christmas morning, in our PJs unwrapping presents. And it is  not just the presents, its dinner parties, host gifts, Christmas baking, cocktails, and that is on top of your normal spending.

I want to share a couple of budgeting tools I started to use to help.

1.Mint

This is a free budgeting tool. It links to your bank and tracks your spending. You can set up a budget for each category ( for example, Dining Out, House Insurance, Gas, Daycare etc). It emails you if you have gone over the budget. It did have some issues linking with my bank but once it started working, it helped a lot! The best thing was I found out where I was spending money.

2.Flipp

This a free app. It is a coupon/flyers app. It also gives you coupons on top of the flyer prices. You can also search for products and it will tell you where it is on sale.

3. Excel

This is pretty ‘oldschool’ but the most efficient way to create a budget. It is a simple Income vs Expenses worksheet. I was surprised at how easy it was once I got started. It allowed me to see where I could save money for the holidays.

4.Ebates

This is a pretty cool website. With a baby at home who has time to go to the mall. Ebates gives you cashback to shop online. During the holiday season, they have promotions for extra cashback as well as coupon codes for bonus gifts.

I hope these tips help! I would also like to add that this is not a sponsored post. I would love to hear what budgeting tools you use to keep on top of the budget during the holidays? Feel free to comment and share this article. If you like what you see follow me.

Merry Christmas!

 

The cup of coffee that saved my life

When I first had Zara, It was very easy to stay home in my pajamas. It took a lot of effort to leave the house only to listen to a crying baby and rush home to meet the babies needs. As most first time moms, I had a lot of anxiety ABOUT EVERYTHING. I just put it aside as a first time mom jitters.

The one thing I looked forward to every day was going for coffee at a café by my house. I am a big coffee lover and when I found this place I was excited.  Every morning I woke up and looked forward to this coffee. The goal was to get Zara and me ready to go for this outing. It was the highlight of my day everyday! Most days this was my only adult interaction (until my husband came home in the evening).

I did not realize it back then but this one cup of coffee saved me. As a first time mom, I was overwhelmed with responsibility of taking care of a newborn. I was full of self-doubt. I was fumbling through this new responsibility. I felt I had lost my previous self ( I still feel that way!) But the one thing I could depend on was this one cup of coffee.

The day the café closed down was a sad day. This café and cup of coffee was an important part of my life from the day Zara was born to the day she went to daycare fulltime. It was the end of an era. Zara was now officially a toddler and I had survived the first year.

Why am I so emotional? After all there are lot of other cafes- But this coffee shop was my hideaway. Every morning regardless of the sleepless night I had, I was going to get my cup of coffee and for atleast a little while everything was going to be ok. My life was scheduled around this cup of coffee. It was the only adult thing I did. It forced me to get up and put on make up! When my world was turning upside down this was the only consistency left in my life.

This cup of coffee saved my life. I try to think about what it could have been like without. As a new mother I was on the verge of depression. My anxiety was at an all time high! I have a problem asking for help. I was in denial of what I was going through. I never talked to a doctor about it and never officially got help. I regret not asking for help. I spent most of my first year as a mother in high anxiety. It hindered my ability to enjoy my baby.

I am thankful that this one cup of coffee allowed me to get in touch my old self and pull myself out of  deep depression.

If you are a new mom or someone who has been a mom for a while- feel free to comment below. What helped you through that first year?

If you like what you read feel free to share and follow my blog.

 

 

 

 

Fur baby momma

Before I had a baby, I was a fur baby momma. In 2011, I was planning my wedding and had just bought a house. It was an exciting time and I was not looking to expanding my family just yet. One day I received an email at the office about a couple that was looking for a new home for their pug. They had a baby and the dog was too much to handle. They were willing to have us have him for a trial run.

If any of you have ever had a pug, you know that they extremely loyal and lovable. One day with him and I was in love!

When I had Zara, I was worried about how Puggles was going to feel. For all these years he was the center of attention. He slept in our bed. I felt awful and guilty for turning his world upside down. I also did not want to be like his previous parents who gave him away when they had a baby.

Puggles no longer sleeps in our bed. He gets fewer walks. But he isn’t complaining. He adapted. And he is amazing with Zara. He is Zara’s best friend, her shadow. It warms my heart to see them together.

Puggles is 10 years old. Recently he had a bad tooth infection and needed emergency dental surgery. While we drove to the vets office for the surgery, I could not imagine my life without this little dog by my side. Puggles loves me unconditionally regardless of the fact that I have been distracted for the past year. Puggles made it through the surgery. But it made me realize that he will not be here forever. Zara will not have her best friend by her side forever and neither will I.

Thank you Puggles for coming in to my life and teaching me what it is like to love someone unconditionally. I know your time with us is limited but you will be in my heart forever.

Do you have a pet and a baby? How do you make sure you have time to spend with your fur baby? Feel free to share this post, like my page and comment below.

 

 

The Unemployed Mom

I quit my job. Not to be a ‘stay at home’ mom.

Zara allowed me to do some soul searching in the year that I spent with her. I want to be the best of me for her.

So I started this blog.

And now I am going to search for a career that makes me happy.

The guilt I feel though is eating away at me. Zara is in daycare. She cries every time I leave her. I feel guilty for leaving her. I feel guilty for having coffee in a park in silence without her. I feel guilty for watching ‘Love it or List it’ and my home reno shows. I feel guilty for taking time to ‘find myself’.

I can hear a baby cry on the other side of the park. And the pang I feel inside is overwhelming!

For all the struggles I had when I became a mother- the only thing I am sure of right now is that I am a mom.

My mother

How many times have you heard someone say, ” She is just a stay at home mom.” ?  My mom was a stay at home. It was not something she wanted to do. She always told me about how she would be putting her education to use if she hadn’t married my dad. She wanted to do more and she did. She home schooled us. However she still thought of herself as just a ‘stay at home mom’. I don’t think she gave herself enough credit for home schooling 3 kids in a foreign country.

I always felt that my mom wanted to do more. I know she loved us but we knew she did not feel satisfied with her life. Growing up I never wanted to be like my mom – a stay at home mom. Partly it was because I felt my mom was unhappy and partly it was because a part of me felt that she resented us for taking over her life. She was interested in history and arts and has a masters degree. I think she felt that she wasted it. She wanted to be more than my mother.

If I could say one thing to my mother- I would say- Thank you- You taught me to read and write. You were a teacher. You were a nurse. You were a nutritionist. You were always more than a mother.

 

Dear Zara (2)

Dear Zara

Today is your first birthday. I cannot believe a year has passed by. It makes me sad that you are no longer a baby. I wish I had spent more time cuddling you than worrying about your sleep and schedule and what you were eating. But that’s what mothers do- worry.

You have grown so much over the past year. And so have I. I learnt that it’s ok to cry because sometimes you just need a good cry! It’s ok to spend all day in your pjs. It’s ok to drink cold coffee(eventually I just started drinking iced coffee). It’s ok to sleep with one eye open in case you need me. It’s ok to sleep with your arm trapped under a baby who has been suckling at your boob for 3 hours. Its ok to sing even when you don’t know the words because all that matters is you smiling. It’s ok because in the end I wish I could do it all over again- the sleepless nights, the 2 am feeding, the 5am feedings, the poopy diapers, the rocking and rocking some more, the endless off key singing.. Everything- Because you are worth it.

I hope you read this at some point in the future and know that you have taught me more than you will ever know. So if you a reading this and we have just had a disagreement- it’s ok, because no matter what I will always love you and I will always be on your side. Just keep in mind, I am not perfect but my love for you is.

Love you forever Zara bear.